The Memory of Love Page 6

  “Company is always welcome,” Kukara said, though Callie caught the break in her voice and wondered where the woman found the courage to pretend all was well.

  She ignored the black cloud threatening to cover her heart as she pulled the heavy door open. Levi pushed past her into the cabin and cast a basket onto a spindly table before turning to glance around. Three candles sat near each bed, but the light they gave off barely pushed back the darkness. As a result, his face was shaded, making it hard for her to see his expressions.

  “What a surprise,” Callie managed. “May I ask why you have come?” She sat on the edge of Kukara’s bed.

  Levi stood in front of the fireplace. The low flames behind him did not illuminate his face, but she sensed he was glaring. “Do you really have to ask? Is it not enough that I have taken the time to fix that?” He nodded toward the basket.

  Callie swallowed her retort. This was not the Levi she knew. Her heart slipped into a frightening rhythm, and her hands dampened with sweat. “You apparently are not aware of the severity of Storm’s illness,” she said. Her gaze slipped cautiously to Storm as she tried to decide which of them needed her protection the most, Kukara or her son.

  Levi’s eyes narrowed into slits of fiery green as he glared at Storm. “He is sleeping.” He pointed at Kukara. “And she looks well enough to handle anything that might crop up.”

  Behind her, Kukara had pulled herself into a sitting position. She was pale. Callie wanted to dispute Levi, but her own wits were slightly disoriented. She wished Joshua would come back. Now.

  What am I thinking? she chided herself. I do not need Joshua to fight my battles!

  Callie issued a silent prayer before she spoke. “She could become afflicted again at any moment,” she insisted. “And Storm is sleeping because Joshua gave him a potion.” Her heart quaked at the thought of a different kind of sleep that might overtake Storm if his fever did not break. Could Levi not sense at all what was so vivid in her own mind?

  “Suits my plans.” Levi started toward her. “If he is asleep, you will not have to worry about him.”

  He reached out and grabbed Callie’s elbow. She tried to wrest her arm from his grasp, but he held tighter. Callused fingers pressed the material of her dress into her skin.

  “I will thank you to let me go. Right now.”

  What was he planning to do? Didn’t he remember Kukara and Storm? What if the child awoke and saw them struggling like this?

  His grip tightened. “After our meal, you can do anything you like.” He gave her a huge grin, as if the thought of being with him should be her only concern at the moment.

  “You are saying that if I go with you, you will let me come back here?” She couldn’t believe it could be that easy.

  Without realizing it, she had allowed Levi to draw her to her feet. Her stomach churned and her knees wanted to collapse. But that would only serve to let Levi know how weak she felt. And she was not weak! She would handle this as well as she could handle most anything that came along.

  “Of course, Callie. What kind of a man do you think I am?” He spoke softly, but cold amusement glittered in his eyes.

  “Do not go, Callie,” Kukara pleaded weakly.

  It was not in her to abandon her patients; they meant too much to her. But if Callie could get Levi out of the cabin, he would be less likely to upset Kukara more than she already was. Which was better? Stand her ground and risk Levi running amok even more than he already had, which by the look in his eyes would not take much, or appease him and go along, hoping nothing would happen that she couldn’t control?

  Could she handle him if he began to rant and rave? His eyes were hard and dark, and the shadow of a beard he continually tried not to grow haunted his jawline.

  She couldn’t refuse him, not when his state of mind seemed so tremulous and her own pulse faltered at the idea he might do something horrible to Storm or Kukara. Her chest felt as if a grizzly had sunk his claws into it.

  Maintaining a shaky semblance of control, she whispered to Kukara, “Storm is sleeping. You will be fine until I return.”

  “But …” Kukara’s concern stretched between them as her gaze slipped to her son.

  “He will sleep for a while yet.” She issued a silent prayer, only to feel Levi tug on her arm.

  “Now.” His eyes searched hers, daring her to deny him.

  Feeling her world collapse beneath her, she nodded acquiescence. Levi hid the smug look that flitted across his face as he grabbed the basket with one hand and ushered her to the door. Callie stepped off the distance, her heart dragging in her chest. The words to part of the Twenty-third Psalm echoed in her mind: “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil….”

  I must trust in God. He will protect me. She took one last look at Kukara before Levi pulled the door closed between them.

  Joshua watched as Levi entered the Killbuck cabin. He didn’t know Levi well. In fact, he had stayed entirely out of his way since their first meeting—when Levi had made it clear that he intended to wed Callie one day.

  Thankfully, there were few at the mission who had been with Brother David in Philadelphia when the Moravians adopted Callie and her sister. So far, Joshua had been able to keep his background, and his earlier relationship with Callie, under wraps.

  Joshua had tried to keep his feelings for Callie hidden, but he sensed Levi had figured out there was, or had been, something between them. Joshua didn’t like being at odds with anyone and hoped to find a way to ease the tension between Levi and himself.

  Telling himself that Levi would hardly dare to cause trouble now with others present, Joshua put the young man out of his mind. It was useless to worry about a situation that he couldn’t control. “Give it to God, son,” Brother David would say. “He knows what is best.”

  Lifting his eyes skyward, he passed off this burden to his heavenly Father and then turned toward home. “Home” was a building set aside for storing extra supplies, but it would do until more cabins were built or until he decided it was time to leave.

  Upon reaching the small building, Joshua sat down on the doorstep and attempted to sort out what he should do about Callie. He had been able to deter her from any further questions about Philadelphia, but he sensed it was only a matter of time before she became curious enough to want to know more. After all, if he were in her position, he would be anxious to learn of his life before his loss of memory.

  His thoughts turned to the green valleys and rugged mountains he had traversed to find the Moravians, and he was surprised when he heard Brother David’s rumbling voice.

  “You have no work today?” The elder stretched out a hand in welcome, hitching one hand under a set of suspenders he wore.

  “Plenty of it, in fact,” Joshua replied. He rose and took the other’s hand. “I am only resting until I begin my next round.” He spoke calmly, yet his eyes drifted toward the Killbuck home.

  “Do you find the work what you expected?” David asked as he settled himself on a tree stump left from clearing the land for the cabins.

  “This is what I was meant to do,” Joshua affirmed. “Taking care of sickness, chasing death away from the door.” While that might be true, there were moments when he knew he would have given it all up if Callie had come through the flood without losing her memory. His desire would have been to be married as swiftly as possible and to go about creating little laughing Johnstons—children he would have taught to love God first, then others, then family. His eyes burned at the thought.

  “I have heard good comments from your patients.”

  “I am glad they are satisfied.” Joshua thought of Storm, who might not live. There was nothing else he could do. Did Callie know that? What would happen if they lost the boy? She would blame herself, and he didn’t know how anyone could convince her that it was not her fault.

  “Joshua? You seem miles away from here. Are you regretting having left Pennsylvania? Perhaps you are not happy wi
th the position you have here?”

  Joshua cleared his throat and framed his reply carefully. “I suppose I am the sort who is never satisfied with what I attempt.”

  Joshua caught movement near the front door of the Killbuck cabin. Callie and Levi. “That is strange,” he commented, watching as the couple headed to the fence line across the path from the cabin they had just left.

  He told David what had transpired at the cabin and about the condition of Storm when he had left the child just minutes earlier.

  David’s eyes drifted toward the couple and followed them. “I do not think Callie would leave had she not had a good reason,” he assured Joshua. “She is very cautious, that one.”

  “Yes, well, perhaps I will go check for myself.” Joshua could not push away the finger of doubt that nudged his heart.

  From everything he had seen, Callie was dedicated. Why, then, had she apparently deserted her charges? It made no sense. But neither did the man racing across the mission, waving and shouting at Joshua.

  Both Joshua and David jerked to their feet just as Abe reached them. His face was white and his breath came in labored gasps. “Suzannah. Time.”

  Chapter 6

  The seven-foot-high log fence surrounding the mission seemed little protection to Callie as she and Levi walked along beside it. The hewn wood gave off a sticky-sweet smell, and nettles grabbed at the hem of her skirt. Overhead, clouds covered the sun. The usual bird sounds were missing, lending the day a depressing air that matched her disposition.

  Callie and Levi had made it almost to the far end of the fence, where it disappeared into the woods, before she dared ask where they were going.

  “The spring.” He was walking behind her or, rather, pushing her ahead of him. His hand gripped her elbow with brute strength, and his voice seemed to blast away at her with the sureness of an expert hunter’s aim.

  She leveled her shuddering shoulders and forced herself to take a deep breath. She had feared he would take her somewhere else, like toward the river, where people seldom ventured. At least the spring was visited frequently. And though she would be embarrassed if someone discovered them there, embarrassment was secondary to safety—she wanted them to be found.

  She was upset at the way Levi barged into the cabin and demanded that she accompany him, but doing as he asked had seemed the lesser of two evils at the time. But now that she was here …

  At that moment, Levi slid into place beside her, and she gave him a quick sideways glance. His green eyes were darker than normal, his red hair more unruly than she had ever seen it. His jaw was clenched, and the lines around his eyes seemed more apparent than ever. A muscle jumped along the side of his neck.

  Callie had heard talk among the men at the mission about the French and British soldiers and what they were likely to do if they continued to press westward in search of more land and more furs. She had grown to dislike those who might uproot what she had been striving to attain: freedom and peace.

  With Levi holding her arm as if he did not trust her, the same feeling stormed her heart. Peace and freedom seemed like butterflies that had escaped their cocoons and forgotten to land somewhere. Regardless of all she had been taught about a woman’s place in the world, no man had the right to treat a woman like this!

  “Quit dragging your feet,” Levi admonished her as she attempted to summon the courage to question him.

  “I did not realize I was,” she muttered in apology, not caring how insincere she sounded. The look in his eyes made it clear that to disobey would place her in even more jeopardy.

  Levi peered at her from beneath uneven brows, looking like a hawk ready to swoop upon some hapless field mouse. She tried not to stare at the angry slash of his lips, for they only frightened her more.

  “You were,” he snapped.

  I must go along with him, she told herself. She knew he was the sort that liked to be in charge, to have everything his own way.

  “Then I will walk faster.” She hoped this would pacify him and checked to see his reaction.

  The whites of his eyes flared as if he suspected she was ready to bolt. Callie wondered if she had said the wrong thing. The last time she had seen him like this had been when an albino deer hide he had brought back on a hunt had been ruined. He had spent a week ranting about the carelessness of the young Delaware Levi had entrusted with helping him preserve the skin. Despite Brother David’s interference, the young boy had been devastated by Levi’s reaction and now stayed as far away from him as possible. Levi did not allow anyone to speak of it now, preferring that the episode be forgotten.

  The dreary thought crossed her mind that this might be a similar incident, one she might have to work at forgetting. Callie recalled the hate showing on his face during the first few days after the hide had been ruined. She had no wish to see Levi repeat the horrible lack of common sense he had exhibited then. For that reason, she renewed her silent vow to do whatever she could to please him.

  He stepped up the pace and she stumbled, her shorter legs no match for Levi’s long, powerful ones. He just clutched her arm tighter, as if he thought it might encourage her to be more obedient.

  Distaste settled in her mouth as they neared the glen. At first glance, it appeared to be a perfect spot for a couple to enjoy time together. It was heavily shaded, and some of the trees dipped their branches into the stream as it coursed over a rock shelf in a pleasant waterfall. In a pond at the bottom of the waterfall, water babbled over rounded stones the settlers called “river biscuits.”

  “We are here.” Levi’s announcement was unnecessary.

  Callie’s knees weakened at the peril she heard in his voice. She tried to move out of his grasp and settle onto a boulder, but before she could, Levi grabbed both arms and spun her around. He stared into her eyes then drew her against his chest.

  His breath escaped his mouth in hot, short blasts, while he held her with terrifying force. Her ability to breathe seemed lost somewhere between her head and her lungs. She wanted to push him away, but his arms clutched her close.

  Callie closed her eyes. If she didn’t look, it wasn’t happening. She had never been in this position. It was not allowed of those who were unmarried.

  Levi relaxed his crushing hold but did not free her. His hands encircled her slender forearms like the chains she had once seen on slaves destined for a Southern plantation.

  “Please. Do not.” She was embarrassed that she had to plead, but if it would break the spell he seemed to be under, she would do anything.

  Levi’s chuckle drifted across her cheek. “I am not going to hurt you. I just need to talk with you.”

  “Good,” she whispered.

  He draped one arm casually across her shoulder and pursed his lips while staring down into her eyes.

  Regardless of how quickly he had composed himself, Callie didn’t trust him. She wanted to be away from him, back at the mission where there were good, proper men like Brother David and Joshua. Her mind bounced around trying to form a plan.

  Eat. Escape. Head home.

  Perhaps she should scream and hope someone heard? But who would? The spring was a good half-mile from the western edge of Schoenbrunn. No one but Kukara even knew she had left the mission.

  Levi released her without warning and she stumbled back a step. Indignant at his treatment, Callie recovered her balance and tilted her chin up, jamming her hands on her hips as she did.

  “You have made a mistake, Levi.” Her chest heaved with exertion, pain, and mistrust. Once those words were out of her mouth, she felt slightly more assured that she might be able to control what was happening. If she could keep him off balance, perhaps he would forget what he intended.

  “Mistake?” He appeared confused as he lowered his head toward his chest, but he kept his eyes locked with hers. “I do not think so,” he jeered, but his arm fell away from her shoulder.

  The lessening of the bond between them freed her. “I do,” she stormed uncharacteristically. “You ar
e treating me as if I am a common bed jumper, like … like those women we met on the way from Pennsylvania.”

  The thought of those disgusting women made her physically sick. Ever since his family joined the Moravians, three and a half years earlier, Levi had claimed to be a God-fearing Christian. But the look in his eyes and the way he had drawn her to his chest made her wonder if perhaps she really didn’t know him after all. How strong had his faith been on that trip a year ago?

  Levi shoved a hand through his riotous curls and reached out toward her cheek. She swallowed hard.

  “I know you are not one of those, Callie. You are uncommon. Can you not see I need to speak with you?”

  She felt as if someone were pushing her over a cliff and she had no way to keep from falling. He loved her. No! Love was not supposed to happen like this. Love was soft and quiet, strong and gentle, not pushy and blustering.

  Fury built inside her. She repressed it. One of them had to maintain control emotionally. It must be her, since Levi did not appear to be thinking straight.

  “You have a strange way of getting my attention,” she protested. Even the few steps she put between them did not lessen the feeling that he was squeezing the very life out of her.

  “You are so busy taking care of the sick, what else could I do?” A little-boy-lost look softened his features.

  A momentary surge of sorrow for him surprised her. Then she recalled how he had treated her—barging into the home of her patients and sweeping her away.

  “You did not have to force me.” Her voice carried throughout the glen. She wished someone would find them, despite the fact that there would be gossip later. Anything was preferable to standing here looking at his eyes of flint.

  “You are right.” He kicked at a rock and watched it scamper into the brush.

  She was relieved he might have come to his senses, that escape might be within reach. A sense of determination pressed her next words from her. “You act as if I am a trinket to play with,” she began before stopping abruptly.