The Memory of Love Read online

  He chuckled suddenly. “No. There is more. It is Johnston.”

  “What?” She was so convinced he was leaving that the name had thrown her off balance.

  “Last name is Johnston.”

  “Oh. Your name. I thought you meant that is where you are going.” Callie posed a finger under her chin. “Joshua Johnston.” She liked the way the words rolled off her tongue. She reminded herself that she should be on her way home to wash up and change then off to church, before returning to Suzannah.

  “Going to check on Suzannah,” Joshua said, withdrawing his hand from her arm. The spot he had been touching grew cold.

  Callie stepped back. “Me? No. I am on my way home.”

  They stood quietly for a moment, and under his scrutiny she lost track of her thoughts.

  “No. Me. That is where I am going,” he said.

  Callie could not resist smiling a little. It seemed to amuse him.

  “Good thoughts?”

  “Only that I hope Suzannah will be all right,” she assured him. “What did you mean when you said, ‘one of them?’”

  “She will.” Joshua said it so softly she had to lean forward to hear him. “Sometimes a double birth is difficult, as you indicated had already happened.”

  “I hope so.”

  “Your name?” He held a finger in front of his lips.

  A look of confusion drew her brows together.

  “Going to work with you, so might as well know your name,” he quipped in a way that said he did not care if he learned it or not.

  She crossed her arms in front of her. Should she tell him? She knew his name, and a fine one it was.

  “Callie Troyer. And what do you mean work with me?”

  He was leaving, wasn’t he? That’s what men of his sort did. They floated in and drifted out, leaving only a memory and gradual healing behind. Why did the thought of him going seem so depressing?

  “Your elder asked me to stay.”

  Callie swallowed hard. Brother David, staunch Christian and Moravian missionary, had asked him to stay? What did Brother David know that she didn’t? Did he expect an epidemic? Or worse, did he not trust her to care for the settlers anymore?

  There is an advantage, she told herself. If he stays, then she would have access to his medicine, and that would help Suzannah and anyone else who might come down with an illness she couldn’t handle.

  She frowned, motioned down the path. “You know where the Solomon cabin is. Her husband is with her,” she snapped.

  “Where a man should be when his wife is in danger,” Joshua said.

  “You do not think that is strange?” Most men had little to do with their wives when illness or childbirth happened.

  “Absolutely not.”

  “You should be going, then. To check on Suzannah, I mean.” She stepped back to indicate she was finished.

  “On my way.” He picked up the saddlebag and slung it over his shoulder. “And Callie?”

  “Yes?” she replied, telling herself she should not look so eager.

  “Have you not remembered me yet?”

  Chapter 3

  Callie squinted into the sun to explore his face. “Remember you? I surely do not think so.” Yet, inside her ran a tremor of hope. If he knew her …

  His brows narrowed, drawing the small lines around his eyes tighter. His jaw was covered by a light dusting of beard that she hadn’t noticed last night. Beneath the work shirt he wore, his shoulders looked a yard wide.

  Not sure what to say, she added, “I do not recall ever meeting you.” She spoke evenly, hiding the thread of excitement that ran through her. She would definitely have remembered him if she had ever met him.

  “I thought not.” Joshua shifted the bag on his shoulder.

  “But I should?”

  He nodded, a brief dip of his head that caused a tuft of hair to escape from beneath the brim of his hat. He took off the hat and tossed his head to return the lock to its rightful place. The movement was simple, yet sunlight caught and danced in his eyes.

  “From where?”

  “Pennsylvania.”

  A giant hand squeezed her chest. “I did live there—once. Before … well, before I joined up with the Moravians.”

  He stared at her as if he expected her to continue. She didn’t.

  “So did I,” he admitted, settling the slouch hat on the back of his head at a jaunty angle that she thought framed his face nicely.

  “I think perhaps you have confused me with someone else.” She laughed. It felt so easy to talk with him. And he was a traveler, someone who would leave soon. Surely she could risk a few minutes of joy with someone she would not see ever again once he was gone.

  Joshua’s eyes held her prisoner. “No. I have the right person. You lived in an orphanage, right?”

  “Yes,” she muttered. “But that was five years ago. Since then I have traveled and lived with Brother David and his flock.”

  Joshua crossed his arms in front of him. “I know when you joined them.”

  There was pain in his words and she wondered why something like that would cause him so much hurt. She looked nervously around the mission. “You knew Brother David then, before this morning?”

  He nodded. “I helped after the flood.”

  “The flood.” Callie sighed and shook her head. “I do not recall much about that part of my life—only what my sister Sarah remembers. Since she is younger than I, she is not much help.” She didn’t remember anything from before that, either, but Joshua didn’t need to know that.

  “I figured as much.” He stepped toward her.

  Tendrils of worry stirred in the pit of her stomach. She turned to a safer topic. “I have heard the west end of Philadelphia was swept away.”

  He set his lips in a grim line. “It was terrible. No warning. Heavy rains. People were lost. We saved those we could.”

  A shadow veiled his consistently warm eyes. Something had hurt him in the flood—Callie sensed it instinctively. Not wanting to drag up memories she didn’t possess but he obviously did, she offered, “It must have been quite a shock.”

  “You could say that.” He turned away, leaving her feeling as if she had touched on a sensitive area that she should have stayed away from.

  “If there is nothing else, I must go.” She started walking toward her home then turned around abruptly. “Oh! I have not said a proper thank-you for what you did for Suzannah last night.”

  “That is not necessary. It is what I have been trained to do.” His words were strained. Why did everything she said make him uneasy?

  “Callie!” Sarah rushed toward them, her strawberry-blond braid flopping up and down as she ran. A smile curved Callie’s lips in welcome as she momentarily forgot about Joshua.

  Sarah was sixteen—gangly, awkward, and likely to say whatever crossed her mind. But knowing she could have lost Sarah made Callie love her that much more. As Sarah came to a stop, Callie reached out and patted her cheek.

  “I want you to meet someone who once lived in Pennsylvania, Sarah,” she began, turning to introduce her sister to Joshua.

  But he was gone, half the settlement away, and knocking on the Solomon cabin door. Callie felt as if she were watching the scene from far off and gave Sarah a weak half-smile. “Guess he was in a hurry,” she said. “You will have to meet him later.”

  Sarah gazed at the handsome figure he cut, his head coming almost to the top of the doorframe. “I will make it a point to. He looks mighty good from this distance.”

  Callie held up a hand, but Sarah rushed on. “Do not bother to chastise me for thinking that. By the light in your eyes, your thoughts are exactly the same.”

  “Why, I never!” Callie exclaimed, though a red tinge of a blush filled her cheeks.

  “Have you been at the Solomons’ all night?” Sarah asked, changing the subject. “Is Suzannah all right? Is there a baby?”

  Callie straightened Sarah’s braid. “One at a time,” she said gently. “I was
just on my way home to tell you. She will be fine. No baby yet. Which is a good thing, I might add.”

  “No baby? What did you use? Last time you said you did not have anything to make her pains stop.”

  Callie’s stomach curled into a tight knot. “Actually, he gave her something to make her sleep.” She rubbed her arms, which suddenly felt as if she had been swimming in an icy river.

  Sarah kicked at a pebble and her head bobbed as she watched the stone hop across the grass. “Levi came looking for you a few minutes ago.”

  Callie stiffened, the knot in her stomach growing even larger. “I thought the hunters were not due back for another week?”

  Sarah shrugged. “Got back early.” She grinned. “Says he has something important to ask you.”

  Two days’ worth of tiredness washed over Callie. “No rumors, Sarah. I am not marrying him.”

  Sarah smiled dreamily. “He thinks you are. And is it not about time you settled down?”

  Yes, it probably was about time she settled down. Most women her age had been married for five or six years, but Callie could not see spending the rest of her life with Levi. There was nothing specifically wrong with him. He was Suzannah’s brother and could outhunt any of the Delawares in their mission. However, hunting was not high on her list of requirements for a mate.

  Her thoughts stopped as quickly as they had begun. She had no right to categorize what she wanted in a husband. God put man here first then added woman to walk with him. She should be thankful Levi seemed to care about her, especially since others in her life had found her relatively easy to cast off.

  “How about breakfast?” she queried to change the subject.

  “Already ate,” Sarah said. “You going to church?”

  “As soon as I clean up.”

  “I told Levi he would probably find you there.” Sarah giggled as she hurried away.

  Callie clasped her hands in front of her and stared at them. Levi Lyons was back. He had something important to ask her. She knew what that would be. Why did the thought scare her so?

  Marriage was a blending of souls, a merging of dreams. It was having someone beside you through good and bad. Someone who cared about you, someone who believed in God, and you, and made you more than you ever thought you could be by yourself. The problem with Levi Lyons was that he did not do those things for her.

  She wanted a love like Suzannah and Abe had. A love that knew no bounds, encouraged hope, and made tomorrow seem like an exciting promise instead of just another day. And there again, Levi did not measure up.

  Perhaps there is something wrong with me, Callie mused. Maybe, in the end, it was best she not fall in love. Even though it meant she would be alone, at least she would not have to face carrying a child for nine months only to lose it.

  Joshua’s rugged profile haunted her and she tried again to remember him. The attempt was fruitless, but she vowed that the next time she saw him, she would demand he tell her more about what he apparently knew. A colt whinnied, and Callie walked across the path and stroked his mane.

  “Hey, fellow,” she said to the bay whose head reached almost to her shoulder. “You hungry?” The colt tossed his head and Callie chuckled at his seemingly human response.

  People were moving about, headed toward the meeting house for the morning service. She forced her feet to carry her home to the sparsely furnished cabin she and Sarah shared. Home to eat, to change clothes, to put on something a little more respectable than this worn-out, dingy gray dress.

  The morning service lasted long enough for a few hymns and a short sermon. Most Moravian congregations were separated into “choirs,” which consisted of groups of single men, single women, widows, widowers, and married couples. The Delawares refused to be separated from their families in such a manner, so they were allowed to scatter as they wished throughout the building.

  Callie arrived at the meeting house as Brother David strode in a back door. Sliding onto a bench in the back, she glanced around the building that was the first permanent structure always built at a Moravian mission.

  Love, sweat, and laughter enabled the settlers to assemble the logs that became a thirty-six-by-forty-foot worship center. No windows were included in the design, and candles positioned down the walls every five feet provided soft golden light by which the settlers prayed, worshipped, and had fellowship.

  The sleek dark heads of the Delaware Indians, called “Praying Indians” by some, filled the seats ahead of her, their broken English mingling with their native language. Almost a year had passed since she had traveled with Brother David and his flock to establish the settlement they called Schoenbrunn. The name meant “Beautiful Springs,” and Callie was not alone in thinking it perfect.

  Deep in the wilderness where a bear roamed occasionally and wolves howled at night, Schoenbrunn Mission sat on top of a rolling plain with a roaming river not far away. Grace was abundant here, for the mission thrived on loving Jesus and the freedom to do so.

  Callie admired the way the whole village worked to overcome obstacles and concentrate on the positive. No one talked about it, especially the Delawares, but danger lurked. East and north of them, the French and British were hoarding land and running out natives who had lived there for generations. Even though the Moravians had located miles from white pioneers who Brother David said would keep pushing farther west until they ran out of land, it worried Callie that they might not be safe even here.

  Several of the children she worked with in Sunday lessons smiled at her, and their broad-faced grins affirmed for her that they were doing the right thing. They didn’t seem to mind that she was one of few whites living here. Nor did it matter that they had only known her for five years.

  At the front of the room, Brother David raised his arms and bent his head. His coat fell open to reveal a gray vest over a white shirt and knee-high moccasins. “Shall we pray?”

  Callie bowed her head while the elder thanked God for His blessings, Jesus for His sacrifice, and the congregation for their belief in God’s grace. She added her own plea that Suzannah carry the twins closer to term before giving birth.

  Her thoughts of Suzannah were pushed aside by Brother David’s enthusiastic “Amen”.

  She raised her head and readied her mind to concentrate on the elder’s message. When she looked at David, she caught sight of Joshua in the front row. He looked peaceful and rested, which annoyed her. Having spent most of the night with Suzannah as she had, she had expected him to look tired. And hadn’t he been traveling yesterday? She knew he must have been, yet he didn’t look worn out at all.

  Levi Lyons slid into the seat beside her, and her thoughts retreated. Levi liked to do things that were shocking to most, and today was no exception. He gave her a broad smile as he stretched out a hand to squeeze her shoulder briefly. Remembering how Joshua had covered her hand before he prayed last night, she compared Levi’s hand to Joshua’s. Levi’s hands could aim at a deer with surety or skin a beaver with confidence, but when he moved his hand away and let it drop across his thigh, Callie was relieved.

  “Sorry I am late,” he whispered. “I overslept.” His curly red hair fell in disarray over his ears and his eyes were blurry with sleep.

  “I am glad you are back,” she acknowledged and turned to the front of the room.

  Levi leaned toward her to say something, but Callie discreetly pointed to Brother David, who was just beginning to speak about the need for forgiveness. Levi seemed uneasy. He shifted and squirmed in his seat until the elder was finished. Callie didn’t think it was because he was uncomfortable with the elder’s message. More likely, he was getting up the courage to ask her that “important question.”

  The last words of praise faded into the rafters and a rare smile played on Brother David’s face as he approached the stranger sitting in the front row.

  “I would like everyone to meet the newest member of our settlement,” he began.

  Joshua stretched to his full height and faced the co
ngregation. Every move he made seemed calculated to get the most from his energy. With his buckskin coat slung over one shoulder and that slouch hat dangling from one hand, Joshua commanded respect. The blurry image of a memory tugged at Callie but shifted just out of focus. She twisted her hands together.

  “This is Joshua Johnston,” Brother David said excitedly. “He will be staying, and I have invited him to use his medical training to assist Callie.” David’s gaze moved through the crowd until he found Callie. “We know what a difficult time she has keeping one hundred sixty people well,” he added.

  Several heads bobbed in agreement, but darkness engulfed Callie. She felt the beginnings of discomfort at Joshua’s appearance. He had asked if she remembered him. Did that have something to do with him coming here?

  The elder continued, his rich baritone echoing around the room, drawing her away from her thoughts about Joshua’s intentions.

  “Joshua seeks to aid us in our quest for health and happiness. Some of you will call him a Magicworker, but what he brings to Schoenbrunn is God’s healing. I know you will welcome him,” he finished, motioning to Joshua that it was his turn to speak.

  Callie had no trouble envisioning Joshua curing sickness; he had already stopped Suzannah’s babies from coming too soon. He did not, however, appear to be a man who would settle for simply helping her. She wished she knew more about him.

  Joshua addressed the room, and the majority of the settlers pressed forward to welcome him. Levi took advantage of the momentary confusion to escort her outside. He grabbed her arm a little too abruptly for her liking, but she followed since the meeting house hardly seemed the place to make a scene.

  “Does Brother David think you do not know what you are doing?” Levi grumbled. “I do not like the way that fellow looks.”

  “I do not see anything wrong with him. There are times when I do need help.”

  Her dress stuck to her back, where beads of perspiration had formed, and she glanced longingly toward one of the lush shade trees that lined the mission.

  “You have never complained before.” Levi’s voice rose a notch. “You mark my words. He will be trouble.”